Thursday, May 03, 2012

MO Skeeters Mutated by Climate Change

I went down to the Steinberg Memorial Prairie last nite to commune with my deer buddies. The park service burned the prairie last fall and the blackberries are coming in like gang-busters. So we will have lovely blackberry cobblers this summer!

But the mosquitoes down there clouded me. And they are BIG! These new global warming induced critters are as big as birds and faster than a speeding bullet. I was down a pint of blood before I could even say "ouch!" They don't seem to be deterred by 100% DEET so there's not much hope of repelling them with some wussy peppermint/tea tree oil "natural" concoctions.

The only thing to do is harvest them. I'm working on a device that is a gel-filled sleeve to be worn on the arms, containing the scent of human blood. When the giant skeeters stick their snout in the gel, it will firm up and keep them from flying away. And that means dinnertime!

GIANT MISSOURI MOSQUITO FRITTERS

Ingredients:

  • Three medium-sized Giant Missouri Mutant Mosquitoes (approx. 8oz apiece)
  • Flour
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Rosemary
  • Canola Oil

Preparation:
Field-dress the mosquitoes, removing the beaks and wings. Sprinkle salt, pepper and rosemary in the body cavity and close with poultry trusses. Dredge the insects in flour. Bring canola oil to full heat just short of smoking. Fry the mosquitoes for approximately 5 minutes per side. Serve with sweet potato french fries and field greens. Serves 3.